https://seocolcisignfir.gq/3998.php She is awesome and I gradually came to see her as sexy. It changed me enough that her body type is now a thing I'm into. I'm actually thinking of trying to branch out more, for example to taller women. I acknowledge that physical preferences are a combination of societal conditioning and limited experience I was actively religious and got married pretty young. I very much agree with this. Standards of being a basically decent human being stay. The rest are pretty arbitrary and differ from person to person anyhow.
Guys complain that women only want wealthy men. I support myself and my kid just fine, but I'm not rich. I don't plan to share finances and I don't always want to be saying no, can't afford that restaurant this week or that vacation this month. Plus, I'd kind of like it if he understood why the decision to repair or replace my car is a big one. I'm not a small woman and I would prefer to be with a not-too-small guy, but real attraction comes with coming to appreciate him as a person.
Agree completely about there being a huge difference between standards for ethics and behavior and "standards" for physical appearance or traits. The former is about, you know, character and all the stuff that actually makes or breaks a relationship. The last is superficial to the point of shallow. I only ever date people who are attractive and interesting TO ME. More than once I've had friends tell me I was out of a person's league, based on whatever values those friends have that obviously do not match my own. Likewise, I'm certain there have been times when friends thought someone I dated was out of my league, though I don't think they'd ever say that to me.
There are times when I myself think someone I'm seeing is "out of my league" in terms of physical attractiveness, but if the overall dynamic works, I don't question it, and if it doesn't, I don't hesitate to end things despite the perception that the person is out of my league. The thing is the last time I was single I was 28, 30 years later the pool to pick from is very very sparse. I prefer to think of it as "broadening your horizons" or "increasing your options". If someone has a list of ten things they really want and they go on hundreds of dates and they aren't getting anywhere, what's wrong with easing up and maybe looking for 7 or 8 things on that list?
I have given women a chance that I might reflexively rule out at first consideration. But sometimes I'd meet someone like this and find something charming about them in person and attraction grows.
It hasn't happened very often with me but it has happened and it has resulted in nice relationships. This thread's comments have been sad to read. It sounds like people are regarding that the regular, normal, in-person ways that we as humans develop attraction toward each other i. I think that says more about impatience and instant gratification more than it does realistic chemistry building though. That said, never lower your standards, but also know your lane.
I'm often told I'm very pretty, but even when I come across a guy is very good looking himself on a dating app, if I see that we've hardly anything in common, I don't swipe on him because having common attractiveness levels is not something of substance to create a relationship. Being open to more people instead of forcing yourself to be with people you don't want to be with. Well, a high-level job is 'above your station' until you train and gain experience for it. Now, we're not all going to be as talented as "Mr.
Ripley", but to a degree I think you can learn the lingo, the standards, the rules and such to fit into a clique that you didn't come to naturally. And there will be people who are looking for a bit of an "outsider" while not wanting to be outside their social group. I think what makes it or breaks it is whether you are attuned to such behaviors to fit it or not. If you grew up in the city, but always had feeling for the sea and beach, it may not be such a leap. I know I'm not specifically talking about "lowering", but in the same way, you are deciding to be okay with surroundings and behaviors that are unusual for you.
Is that comfortable as a fling, a weekly thrill, an aim to change your lifestyle? You don't know until you try - or walk a mile in those shoes. Does not work for me. Partly because he looks better in person and party because of his personality. Not necessarily just about physical attractiveness but also things like profession, status, ambition, social charisma and lifestyle. In terms of getting to a first date, I just go by photos and messaging.
I guess I think about it more as trying to find a good fit and compatibility than standards per se. In another comment you clarified it as physical attractiveness, profession, status, ambition, social charisma and lifestyle. I've always had a wide range in those areas of what I'm okay with and I tend to look more at overall compatibility with values, personality, some shared interests, and life goals. Lifestyle does fit into that for me as well to see if it's similar to myself or not. There does have to be a baseline physical attraction for me, but that's also a wide range and I've found that I'm attracted to a person based on the sum of their parts.
Some of the largest 'crushes' I had when I was younger were on guys who weren't stereotypically attractive but they were absolutely hilarious, we had great rapport, and similar outlooks on life. That said, I've never "sucked it up" and tried to date someone for an extended period of time if they didn't do it for me.
There's a variety of factors that go into "doing it for me" beyond physical attraction alone, but if some level of compatibility and chemistry is not there within the first few dates then it's unlikely to develop for me down the road.
Assortive mating is a thing: Most couples are similar in objective attractiveness, and couples are happier when they are similar than when one partner is much more attractive than the other. I think most people are "naturally" attracted to people who are of similar attractiveness to themselves. I don't believe in lowering my standards, but I'm also not primarily attracted to men based on looks, finances, fashionableness, height, fitness, or things like that.
That's something I won't compromise on. Still got my heart broken.
How do you lower your standards but avoid settling? My friends tell me my standards are too high, which is why I am still single, but I don't want to date someone. Feb 11, The Psychology Of Love: How Lowering Your Standards Will Allow You getting nothing,” wrote Tashiro, adding that dating should be “about.
I wouldn't say I lowered my standards, I just stopped looking for an exact type of replacement for my ex. She is 5'6" tall and lbs, her and I both look 10 years or do younger than we are. I finally accepted that a didn't need a replacement and I just started talking to more people. Haven't found anyone yet but I do talk to more people. Most want to go right into a relationship and I'm looking for starting out slower. I also became aware that I would more often be rejected by the woman that looked more like my ex, it didn't mean I should stop trying.
I also examined my past relationship and found areas that I could improve and things that I put up with that I shouldn't have. DR didn't lower standards just expanded into a more realistic dating arena. Stopped looking for an ex replacement. I feel alien sometimes. It never did, but then again who in there right mind was ever going to lower their standards for me?
Get an ad-free experience with special benefits, and directly support Reddit. Welcome to Reddit, the front page of the internet. Become a Redditor and subscribe to one of thousands of communities. And what did that look like for you? For context, I was thinking about the clear disconnect I have between a me always advising against lowering your standards — because, you know, trying to date someone you are not attracted to is a terrible idea — and b me personally knowing people who consistently go after people whose demographic they do not belong to — and subsequently facing one rejection after another.
I would love to hear your experiences of when lowering your standards actually worked! Want to add to the discussion? Edited for words words words. There's the door, GTFO unless i want to bang you silly every time i see you I don't even think I could handle that much, tbh. I hate doing the dishes and actually started this thread as a way to avoid them.
To this day I still feel embarrassed lol I hope you understand that he made you feel this way. That would be a little embarassing but glad he understood! Feeling happy I can attract a guy like him again. Where can I find one of these?? Usually big muscle guys have the big ugly egos to go with them. Ooh, this is a good observation. Also, great flair haha. More often than not, the match begins and ends on the debut evening.
You both like hiking? Having more things in common is good but these are just icing on the cake. Is it a collection of stereotypes all combined into one fictional person? Is there a guy like that out there? We are all different. We should focus on getting to know people as individuals rather than trying to lump them into a stereotype. The very definition of a spark is something that starts quickly and ends quickly.
When I first starting dating all of my long-term boyfriends, they all had something in common. Because I feel bad about myself. I feel like I let myself down. So when people tell you that you should lower your standards, let me be the one to tell you that you should absolutely not. It is not okay. Everyone expects different things. Know what your deal breakers are. Know where your line is drawn and know when someone has crossed it. Reblogged this on Sodar Soth. Reblogged this on ribix13 and commented: